The Strangest Performance in My Experience - My Own
This experience popped back into my mind the other day, and I thought that you might allow me to share it with you:
It was early in my development - I was about nineteen at the time, and had been working on one of the four great Scherzi by Chopin; the daunting Scherzo in "C"# minor.
My teacher felt that I should perform it publicly, and so I prepared both musically and psychologically for the task.
I cannot remember where I performed it, and for what occasion; however, I vividly remember the happening of my performance (sadly!).
For reasons not clear in my memory (perhaps fear, as it was one of the first really large pieces I had prepared for public performance), I cannot remember to this day; more strangely on THAT day, and from that day on, my playing it in terms of specificity. It was all a blur, and I can remember only that my fingers seemed to playing AT the music, rather than the music itself. It was as if those fingers were not my own; that I was not really there.
After it was over ( I cannot even remember the audience reaction), my teacher came to me, and said something like "you probably did not expect the results yourself." In a millisecond I was crestfallen-it must have been an absolute disaster.
But my teacher continued, remarking as to how "extraordinary" (I remember THAT word, as I was so surprised when I heard it) the performance was, and that he was filled with such pride.
Can ANY of you reading this relate the same kind of experience??
We are indeed the greatest of life's mysteries.
It was early in my development - I was about nineteen at the time, and had been working on one of the four great Scherzi by Chopin; the daunting Scherzo in "C"# minor.
My teacher felt that I should perform it publicly, and so I prepared both musically and psychologically for the task.
I cannot remember where I performed it, and for what occasion; however, I vividly remember the happening of my performance (sadly!).
For reasons not clear in my memory (perhaps fear, as it was one of the first really large pieces I had prepared for public performance), I cannot remember to this day; more strangely on THAT day, and from that day on, my playing it in terms of specificity. It was all a blur, and I can remember only that my fingers seemed to playing AT the music, rather than the music itself. It was as if those fingers were not my own; that I was not really there.
After it was over ( I cannot even remember the audience reaction), my teacher came to me, and said something like "you probably did not expect the results yourself." In a millisecond I was crestfallen-it must have been an absolute disaster.
But my teacher continued, remarking as to how "extraordinary" (I remember THAT word, as I was so surprised when I heard it) the performance was, and that he was filled with such pride.
Can ANY of you reading this relate the same kind of experience??
We are indeed the greatest of life's mysteries.
Labels: an experience
posted by LH at
5:54 AM
1 Comments:
Sometimes our remembrances of not remembering result in life's richest memories. It sounds like you were in a "zone," as many outstanding performers experience! Great article, one of the best I've read here -- noteworthy, given all the wonderful articles on your blog.
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